So far, all the Olympics has given me has been the worst experience of London, nay of any city in the world, in my life.
It’s a long story, but basically a wild goose chase around the Olympic park left me fainting in a queue, missing the technical rehearsal of the opening ceremony, and feeling absolutely awful for wasting the ticket my Papa had so kindly given me.
What a fail!
However, I do have the claim to fame that I was the first person to faint in the queue of the 2012 Olympics. BAM! I think I deserve a medal anyway…
After this nasty intro to the Olympics, I was happy to sail off to France avec ma famille, amis et long-suffering petit ami and spend a week in a beautiful 11 bed farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.
Before we packed our bags however we did catch the cycle race over Boxhill, ice cream in hand, sun on our heads, grass between our toes – I’m proud to say that this is how we villagers do sport and at least now I have something to report to the Grandchildren in howevermanyyearstime (aside from my famed First Fainter title of course).
But yes, anyway, here are some pics of where we ran away to…
As we stayed in an area where no one, no one, spoke English I had a chance to practise my pigeon French and I think I’m getting somewhere you know! I’ve decided France, land of cheese , wine and l’amour, is the place for me. Ehem…Pros:
1. More cheese and wine, croissants, patisserie…and yet the women are thin. It must be all the….
2. …Infidelity… may be rife, but it seems to work, scientific evidence: more French couples kissing noticed than in UK.- It lacks that lovely work,work,work til you’re dead attitude we maintain in the UK
3. ‘La siesta’ aka napping, is government policy. Wow.
4. Paris. Need I say more.
5. More space, better weather, you can drive over to mainland Europe if you fancy.
6. Sexy language.
7. Oh and the cold arrogance you’re entitled to maintain as one of the Francais.
- Lacking in London, the Queen and all that rubbish (however number 4 pretty much makes up for that)
- The Euro…?
My Cons are rather weak. Vive La France!
So, in conclusion, I’ve decided to live in one of the below, with one of the above, through which I will collect love lettres from all my french men and I will support myself by going to quaint towns as afore pictured and painting tacky scenes which tourists will purchase for far more than they’re worth.
I believe this is an excellent option, far better than my current situation: broke, bummed and living off Mum.
p.s. now I am off to do some research to write a proper, informative blog, less self-indulgent than this rant you’ve just endured. Thank you for your time.